Baby Mama is Now an Occupation, RIP to the Core Traditions Which Our Parents Held Dearly - by Adejoro Olumofin

Psychologist, Socialite and relationship expert Adejoro Olumofin has penned a masterclass concerning the new and evolving trend called 'Baby Mama'.

 

RIP to the Core Traditions which our Parents held dearly 1. Some Men no longer wear Wedding rings, 2. Couples sleep in separate rooms, 3. Baby Mama, 4. Cohabitation, 5. Cooking skills, 6. In Law Drama, 7. Now most people dump their parents in retirement homes, 8. Wedding is more important than Marriage.

 

This Article/Journal highlights the death or extinction of some core values and customs our parents or elders in our community held dearly and some reasons for such behavioural disappearance.

 

1. Some Men no Longer wear wedding rings : In Nigeria today it's very difficult to differentiate between a Married man and a Bachelor. Some men stop wearing their ring or band even just 8 months after their wedding. Wedding rings used to be a sign of success, achievement and pride to be a husband but these days some men see the ring as a sign of entrapment or being pigeonholed so they decide not to wear it because they still want to feel like a bachelor in their minds and to the public and most times deceive ladies of being single. 

 

2. Weddings are now more important than Marriage: As a result of Social Media, wedding blogs and websites, destination weddings, pre-wedding shoots/videos, makeup artists and Aso-ebi some people in our generation have lost sight of the most Important thing which is the "Marriage Itself" they get carried away by the Glam which lasts for only 48hours rather than focus on the issues their Man or Woman may have. Some ladies make comments like if my wedding isn't covered by Bella Naija or Nigerian Weddings I'll postpone it, my dress must be Vera wang or Prada or else I'll wait, or did you hear Teni got married in Yaba last week her wedding was basic etc Our Parents weddings weren't such an institution and there wasn't social media to easily publicize or rate weddings over 10. 

  

3. Cohabitation : This is Psychological term used to describe a situation in which 2 people ( a man and a woman) who are not married are living together for a period of more than 1 year entangled by emotions, sex, finances and sometimes children. This is basically a man and woman playing husband and wife and are not married by any law or court. Most times the woman suffers for this because she's playing the role of wife to a man who isn't her husband and at any time he can decide not to come back home. This would have been a taboo or cultural shock in the 60's, 70's or 80's. 

 

4. In-Law Drama : There has and there will always be in Law Drama because of personality, family background and financial differences, no time or year can change the drama between in-laws. Wedding plans: It was breaking news to me when I heard a wedding got cancelled because of colours of Aso-Ebi. The grooms parents were from humble backgrounds and wanted both families to wear the same color but the bride's family are wealthy and wanted different colors of Aso-ebi because they didn't want to mix with the grooms family , the brides family felt superior to grooms family. A simple thing as "Colour" ruined a loving couple. In the old days no one really cared who wore what, when and how.. 

 

5. Cooking Skills: I believe the ability for a woman to cook well is a necessity but some people would disagree and say what's a chef or maid for? It was a taboo in the time of our parents for a woman to lack cooking skills but these days a lot of young , pretty, well educated ladies don't even know how to turn the Gas on or boil Rice. They believe cooking is beneath them ; some make statements like I can always learn,I'm not ready for marriage yet. I overheard a newly wedded guy at the basketball court complaining that his wife goes to her moms house to bring food cooked by her mom stores it in the fridge and warms it for 2 months straight before going to get a freshly cooked batch by her mom 

 

6. This may sound bizarre but some couples sleep in separate rooms in the house even when there's no fight or in house turmoil. Either the husband or wife claims that he/she needs her space and is not used to some one in her bed every night. They wake up, take their kids to school, go to their various offices; live their lives normally but don't share the same bed. Some people may argue that different times call for different lifestyles but no matter how times change Husband and Wife should sleep on the same bed. 

 

7. Baby Mama : One of my lectures once told me that her sister who was 30 years old got pregnant for her boyfriend and out of shame moved out of lagos to Ogun state. These days the term "Baby Mama" or "Baby Daddy" is so common and accepted as a regular routine or lifestyle. There's no fault given to any lady who got pregnant by her man and he bailed on her and didn't think abortion was an option, but some ladies handle themselves so carelessly; making themselves look desperate to be a baby mama to a man who will never commit to her, disrespect her family because of the man's bank account or social status 

 

8. Side Chick : There has always been side chicks or mistresses and always will be but the personality of the side chicks these days are more bold and ruthless because of the Assimilation of the western culture. Some ladies wear the title with pride and honour, they even go as far as posting a married man's picture on social media, and prank calling or threatening to beat up the wife of their "so called man" 

 

9. People dump their parents or parent in law in retirement homes : Before it was an honor for your in-laws or parents to come live with you and your wife or husband but these days mostly because of the "Wife Vs Mother in law drama" some ladies insist that their husbands mother / mother in law be put in a retirement homes or ask their mother-in-law to book appointments before coming to see her son.

 

As time changes our personality changes too. Let's not lose sight of our core values and customs .. Most importantly do what works for you 

 

Written by Adejoro Olumofin